5 steps towards better Employee Experience

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Too often, work relationships are a case of crossing our fingers and hoping for the best. Even if we know they greatly affect our happiness and success.

What if you could be an _active shaper_ of those relationships?

In this weeks masterclass with Michael Bungay Stanier \(aka MBS\), author of _How to Work with \(Almost\) Anyone_ , we learned that a good working relationship shouldnt be left to chance. Heres a summary of MBSs teachings. \(And, see our [2023 line-up of live virtual and in-person events](https://www.thegrowthfaculty.com/event.php?eventId=a1J4G000008xoC7&promoCode=Blog&utm_source=TGF&utm_medium=blog)\)

Michael asked delegates to think back on a frustrating working relationship. _What did you do or not do? What was the impact of it?_

Masterclass delegates contributed answers such as: _checked out to keep me safe, led to a total loss of confidence, nausea, lack of sleep, frustration, disengaged, demotivated, felt ineffective, self-doubt, stressed, not appreciated, belittled, anxiety, checked out mentally._

MBS himself shared that he once worked for a boss the team called Red Dot (after the laser beam red dot trained onto victims by an assassin). He said that someone on the team would get it every week, as she unleashed the carnage.

He said this made him feel diminished, shrunken, he lost his courage and he doubted most things (and he has a pretty solid self-esteem).

_I want you to feel in your bones the cost of those toxic experiences._

MBS also shared research that sociopaths make up 1% of the general population, but the percentage increases for those higher up in organisations (3-10% of CEOs).

The impact of poor work relationships

When asked to think back on their most successful relationship with a boss, colleague, or collaborator, delegates shared that the impact: _made them feel positive, valued, trusted and seen, enpowered, limitless, supported, energised, connected, unbeatable, heard, aligned, happy to go the extra mile._

[ **Free Download** : 10 Leadership Qualities That Will Help Solve Challenges in 2023](https://thegrowthfaculty.ac-page.com/leadershipqualities)

The impact of successful work relationships

MBS said that research by John Gottman, founder of The Gottman Love Lab, found that within 30 seconds he could tell if a relationship had longevity or not. One of the tells was the ratio of positive to negative acts. He also found that 70% of issues in a relationship were perpetual \(theyre not really going to shift\).

MBS says this suggests that 30% of issues can be worked on.

_So, what if you could improve 30% of all your working relationships? You can make hard work relationships bearable, workable. The goal is to build the best possible relationship \(BPR\) with your key people. Your boss, your team, your colleague, your collaborator, your prospects and your customers._

The Best Possible Relationship

For any relationship to have a chance of success there must be three things present:

1\. **Safe  Remove the Fear.** [Psychological safety](https://www.thegrowthfaculty.com/blog/psychologicallysafeworkplaces), as described by Professor Amy Edmondson, where people feel safe and wholly accepted at work.

2\. **Vital  Amplify Bravery.** Being psychologically braver. Feeling enlivened by working on the hard stuff.

3\. **Repairable  Fix the Cracks.** Working relationships will go off the rails eventually. Some self-heal, but rarely to the state they were before. Nevertheless, good relationships work to fix the damage.

3 key attributes of a Best Possible Relationship:

One of the ways you do this is to have a keystone conversation: A conversation about HOW we work together before plunging into the WHAT we are working on.

A keystone helps a system bear stress, stay healthy and grow stronger.

MBS admits that even in his million-copy bestseller _The Coaching Habit_ he recommends a first question for working with someone might be: Whats the real challenge here for you? He now believes having a keystone conversation is a more important first step.

Tackle HOW before the WHAT

When kicking off your keystone conversation, understand that its about curiosity. You are trying to discover things like _What does a good client look like to you? What does a great vendor look like to you?_

Here are questions you could include:

#### 1\. **Amplify** question: Whats Your Best..?

#### 2\. **Steady** question: What are Your Practices or Preferences.?

#### 3\. **Good Date** question: What can You Learn From Successful Past Relationships?

#### 4\. **Bad Date** question: What can You Learn from Frustrating Past Relationships?

#### 5\. **Repair** question: How will we fix it when things go wrong?

5 Questions to Ask and You Can Answer

There are three stages of the conversation to keep a relationship healthy, alive, and on track: **preparation, keystone conversation** , and **maintenance**.

To prepare your own responses to Whats your best..? think about when you _flow_ , and when you _shine_?

- When youre in that flow state, and when your eyes light up  how do you describe yourself in that state?

- As a prompt, use the **3P model  projects, people, patterns**. What types of project see me at my best? How do I show up when Im with people? What are my patterns of behaviour?

- Imagine are your best mate talking about you. What would they say about you at your best?

Preparing your response

Understand the difference between what you are good at and what you are fulfilled by.

Make a Good At/Fulfilled By matrix \(top right corner put stuff youre both good at and fulfilled by, bottom left put stuff youre not good at nor fulfilled by\).

If you can articulate what you are good at but not fulfilled by, or fulfilled by but not good at.thats helpful for relationships.

For example, it can help to show that, at times, you need guard rails on things you are fulfilled by but not yet good at.

Know what youre good at, and fulfilled by

When dealing with a hostile colleague, perhaps your senior, MBS says you have the choice to try to strengthen that working relationship. You can choose between: Do I have that conversation? And Do I not have that conversation?

MBS says that every choice you make carries with it prizes and punishment \(risk and reward\). How much risk am you willing to take? Invite them to a conversation, then work through the questions.

To work with \(almost\) anyone, the key rule is:

_What is the version of a keystone conversation that might work with that person?_

See MBS role modelling a keystone conversation with Ainsley Brittain by downloading the free resources at Michaels [website](https://www.mbs.works/how-to-work-with-almost-anyone/) \(requires email\).

Dealing with a hostile senior person

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Michael Bungay Stanier: How to Work With (Almost) Anyone

Masterclass on Improving Work Relationships

Keep informed
Stay Inspired

Michael Bungay Stanier: How to Work With (Almost) Anyone

Masterclass on Improving Work Relationships

Keep informedStay Inspired

Keep informed
Stay Inspired