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When trust expert [Rachel Botsman](https://www.rachelbotsman.com/) was a child, her parents hired a nanny named Doris who seemed competent and caring. 

However, strange things began happening; items disappeared from the house and Doris took mysterious weekend trips. 

Eventually, the police arrived at their door with news of this employee they'd entrusted their children with.

Turns out their nanny had been running a drug ring in North London and had used the family's car as a getaway vehicle in an armed robbery. 

This extraordinary childhood experience taught Botsman, now a lecturer in trust at Oxford University Saiid Business School, valuable lessons about trust decisions, and possibly led her to career sharing latest research on trust with business leaders worldwide.

Nanny Doris and the trips that broke trust

One such lesson is the importance of a "trust pause." 

This is deliberately slowing down decision-making processes, especially when under pressure. 

"I've seen trust pauses change my life, but \[also\] change other leaders' lives when they really think about how they will make decisions under pressure," says Botsman.

In her audiobook _“How to Trust and Be Trusted”_ Rachel Botman says a trust pause gives us time to ask:   
•    _Where is this confidence coming from?_  
_•    Am I seeing or hearing something I want or need to be true?_  
_•    Is it because this person seems similar or familiar to me?_  
_•    What information do I still need to make a reliable decision?_    

She says expert colleagues advise not letting your gut make the decision. Instead, “trust but verify. Verify everything.”

The "trust pause" that could change your leadership

Botsman challenges the common notion that trust is something we build. 

Instead, she suggests viewing trust as something we give to others that must be **earned** in return. 

"That exchange that is so powerful. It reframes the way you think about decisions," she explains.

This perspective helps leaders recognise the value of trust and approach trust decisions more thoughtfully.

Reframing how we think about trust

According to Botsman, social scientists have studied trustworthiness for over 60 years, and the traits we look for in someone or something have remained remarkably consistent:

1.  **Capability** traits:
    *   Competence
    *   Reliability
2.  **Character** traits:
    *   Integrity
    *   Care (or empathy)

A fifth trait is emerging as increasingly important: **humility** (a trait highlighted in Jim Collins's description of [Level 5 Leadership](https://thegrowthfaculty.com/articles/levelfiveleadership)). 

"This idea of being very confident with humility, admitting that you don't know or you don't have the answer or you don't have the right information. 

"This is really important for trust because then when you _do_ give an answer or you are firm about something, people believe that you know what you're talking about," Botsman notes.

The four key traits of trustworthiness

Botsman observes that while we often talk about trust being in decline, it's more accurate to say that trust is changing form. 

"The way to actually think about trust and leadership is to think of trust more like energy. It doesn't get destroyed. It changes form," she explains.

The most significant shift is from hierarchical trust to distributed trust:

*   **Traditional trust** flowed upwards (deference to bosses and experts)
*   **Modern trust** flows _sideways_ (peer influence and flatter hierarchies)

This shift represents one of the hardest leadership challenges for those who grew up in the era of top-down trust structures.

How trust is changing in today's world

Rachel Botsman told the audience that distrust typically progresses through three distinct phases:

1.  **Defensiveness**: The person pushes against you but still cares and remains engaged. Trust can still be repaired at this stage.
2.  **Disengagement**: The person begins pulling away, becomes unreliable, and is only partially present. This is the last opportunity to address trust issues before they worsen.
3.  **Disenchantment**: The person turns against you, enters "fight or flight" mode, and attempts to turn others against you as well. This is a toxic, downward spiral that becomes extremely difficult to resolve.

Leaders must recognise the early signs of defensiveness and address issues before they progress to more damaging stages.

The three Ds of distrust

Yes, says Botsman, but the difficulty depends on which aspect of trust has been damaged:

*   **Capability issues** (competence or reliability problems) are relatively easier to repair through training or improved processes.
*   **Character issues** (particularly integrity) are much more difficult to fix because they create a misalignment problem – stakeholders no longer believe the leader or organisation is serving their best interests.

"The mistake I've seen in leaders time and time again is they have a character issue on their hands, usually in culture, and they try to fix it with a capability issue," she warns.

Can broken trust be repaired?

One of Botsman's most surprising research findings challenges the common belief that transparency automatically leads to trust:

"It's one of the biggest misconceptions I'm trying to blow up," she says. "The way I define trust is that trust is a confident relationship with the unknown."

While transparency may create an initial positive response, it often:

*   Creates a "backfire effect" when information is selectively shared
*   Becomes a compliance exercise rather than cultural change
*   Fails to address underlying issues of deception

"Secrecy is not the enemy of trust... you can have secrets with \[trusted people\]. If it's deception, transparency is not going to fix deception," Botsman explains.

The transparency misconception

**Become a better expectation setter**: Be exceptionally clear about what you expect from your team and what they can expect from you. These boundaries create the space for creativity, innovation and risk-taking.

**Look for signs of defensiveness** in your relationships with employees or customers, and address issues before they progress to disengagement or disenchantment.

**Apply the "trust pause"** when making important decisions, especially hiring decisions or when under time pressure.

**Focus on developing both capability and character** traits to become truly trustworthy.

**When trust breaks, understand the root cause**: Determine whether it's a capability issue (competence/reliability) or a character issue (integrity/care) and address it accordingly.

**Provide relational rather than transactional responses** when trust issues arise - focus on human connection rather than quick fixes.

Action points for leaders

We hope you enjoyed the session with Rachel Botsman as much as we did - such a timely reminder that trust is something we build through action, not just words.  

To continue the learning, Rachel is offering Growth Faculty members an exclusive **20% discount** on her new audiobook _How to Trust & Be Trusted_ - a practical, story-rich guide packed with tools your team can put into practice.

*   Listen here: [www.pushkin.fm/trust](http://www.pushkin.fm/trust)
*    Use code **Trust20** at checkout

If you’d like to share the audiobook more widely across your organisation, reach out to Eric Sandler at Pushkin for bulk purchase options: [**eric.sandler@pushkin.fm**](mailto:eric.sandler@pushkin.fm)

And Rachel’s fascinating weekly newsletter Rethink is at [rachelbotsman.com/rethink](http://rachelbotsman.com/rethink)

Discount code for audiobook

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Trust lessons for leaders from global expert Rachel Botsman

Summary of Botsman's How to Trust and Be Trusted audiobook

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Trust lessons for leaders from global expert Rachel Botsman

Summary of Botsman's How to Trust and Be Trusted audiobook

Keep informedStay Inspired

Keep informed
Stay Inspired