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Daniel Pink is a _New York Times_ bestselling author and speaker on the subjects of motivation and business. In our interview on _The Power of Regret_ : _How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward_ he taught us how regret is a storytelling process that we can use to our advantage to better our lives. Sharing regrets can also be a tool for [_good leadership_](https://www.thegrowthfaculty.com/blog/Definitiveguideleadershipqualities2022) , building on qualities like trust and humility.

Take [_**Amazon founder Jeff Bezos**_](https://www.thegrowthfaculty.com/blog/Bezonomicsonepagesummary), for example. In the 1990s he was deciding whether to leave his job to start his company on the fledgling World Wide Web. He told an interviewer he imagined himself at age 80 **regretting not having tried**.

_"I knew that would haunt me every day, and so, when I thought about it that way, it was an incredibly easy decision,"_ he told Jessica Stillman of _Inc_.

Daniel Pink told Growth Faculty this type of regret is a **boldness regret**. Using psychology research and data from both his American Regret Project and his World Regret Survey, Daniel Pink discovered **4 core categories of human regret**, which we'll set out below.  

First, though, a summary of the key takeaways in this article.

**Takeaway #1 -** Four Core Categories of Regret: Daniel Pink identified 4 core categories of human regret: **Foundation** regrets (related to stability and responsibility), **Boldness** regrets (concerning missed opportunities), **Moral** regrets (regrettable ethical choices), and **Connection** regrets (neglecting important relationships). Understanding these categories can help individuals make better decisions in various aspects of their lives.

**Takeaway #2 -** Regret can be a powerful tool for personal growth and decision-making. By looking at regret as a **reflection of one's values**, individuals can use it as a guide to make choices that align with their core values and avoid actions that might lead to future regrets. Pink's Regret Optimisation Framework offers actionable strategies to deal with different types of regrets.

**Takeaway #3 -** Daniel Pink provides several techniques to help individuals handle and **learn from their regrets**, such as starting a regret circle, creating a failure CV, practicing self-compassion, and participating in the World Regret Survey. These techniques can be valuable for personal development and decision-making, helping individuals address past regrets and make better choices in the future.

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1. Foundation regrets

We are much more likely to regret the chances we didn't take than the chances we did, especially as we age. Foregone opportunities to launch a business, chase a true love, or see the world.

_"I regret not having the courage to be more bold earlier in my career and caring too much what other people thought of me,"_ Female, 33, South Africa.

**Lesson:** Take action. Speak up. Ask him out. Take the trip. Start that business. Step off that train and onto that platform.

2. Boldness regrets

These are decisions where we took the low road. Deceiving a spouse, cheating, swindling a business partner.

_"I bullied a new kid in seventh grade. He was from Vietnam and hardly spoke any English. Horrible\!"_ - Male, 52, USA.

**Lesson:** When in doubt, do the right thing.

3. Moral regrets

Connection regrets arise when we neglect the people who help establish our sense of wholeness. People give our lives purpose.

_"I wish I had tried harder to foster deeper relationships with my work colleagues. I've worked at the same place for over 30 years but I'm not sure I would really call any of the people I've worked with a close friend."_ - Male, 62, USA.

**Lesson:** Do better next time, or do something about it now. Make the call, make the visit, say what you feel. Push past the awkwardness and reach out.

4. Connection regrets

For Daniel Pink the power of regret comes from looking backward, and forward \(to opportunities\). "Think ' **inward',** **outward** ', and **forward** , he says. People should use regrets to their advantage by seeing them as a reverse negative of the things **they value most**.

"If only I'd done the work" = a value of stability

"If only I'd taken the risk" = a value of growth

"If only I'd done the right thing" = a value of goodness

"If only I'd reached out" = a value of love

His Regret Optimisation Framework suggests ways we can take positive action to honour these values.

#### For an ACTION REGRET

*   **Undo it.** Apologise, make amends, try to repair the damage
*   **"At Least" it.** Find the silver lining: think about how the situation could have turned out worse and appreciate that "at least" it didn't

#### For any regret (ACTION or INACTION)

*   **Self-disclosure**. Relive and relieve the regret by telling others about it - admission clears the air - or write about it in the privacy of a journal
*   **Self-compassion**. Treat yourself as a friend
*   **Self-distancing.** Zoom out in time, in space, or through language to analyse the lessons learned from the regret

#### To use ANTICIPATED REGRETS in decision making

*   **"Satisfice"** on most decisions. If you are not dealing with one of the four core regrets (foundation, boldness, moral, compassion) then make a choice and move on
*   **Maximise** on the most crucial decisions. If you are dealing with one of the four core regrets, project yourself into a point in the future and ask yourself which choice will most help you **build a solid foundation** , take a **sensible risk** , **do the right thing** or **connect with others**

#### 7 other techniques from Daniel Pink's book.

1\. **Start a regret circle** where you join others to tell stories of regret and the group categorises each regret and works through a disclosure-compassion-distance process

2\. **Create a failure CV or resume**. This is a thorough inventory of our flops. View it as an observer to find patterns and avoid future mistakes. Use three coluumns, one for the failures, one for the learnings, one for what you'll do in future

3\. **Study self-compassion**. Dan says few subjects have spoken to him as powerfully as self-compassion. He recommends Kristin Neff's website and book _Self-Compassion_

4\. **Pair New Year's resolutions with Old Year's regrets**. Look back on your year and list three regrets. Write them down, and make undoing the action regrets and transforming the inaction regrets your top resolutions for the New Year

5\. **Mentally subtract positive events**. To take the hurt and emotions out of a regret, think of all the decisions and mistakes that led to a happy situation. Then take the happy situation away. It casts regrets in a new light

6\. **Participate in the** **World Regret Survey** www.worldregretsurvey.com

7\. **Adopt a journey mindset.** Sustain your behaviour after reaching goals or completing a task so you don't slack off and regret the lapse

(For more team-building activity ideas that improve culture [_try these suggestions_](https://www.thegrowthfaculty.com/blog/teambuilding) from Patrick Lencioni)

Regret Optimisation Framework

What aspects of this interview on Daniel Pink's book _The Power of Regret_ resonated most with you?

Are you comfortable sharing a couple with your team? Self-disclosure, even to yourself, can help.

Would you like to participate in the World Regret Survey ([www.worldregretsurvey.com](http://www.worldregretsurvey.com/))?

Is there an **action regret** (something you did) that you can undo by apologising or making amends? Can you at least it by finding the silver lining?

Can you think of a situation where you are unsure of your next move? Ask yourself In the future, will I/we regret this decision if I/we dont do X?" Answer the question. Apply that answer to your current situation.

**When deciding a course of action:**

1\. Begin by asking whether you are dealing with one of the four core regrets: **Foundation** regrets, **Boldness** regrets, **Moral** regrets, **Connection** regrets. (If not, satisfice make a choice and move on). The _Regret Optimisation Framework_ can be found on page. 205 of _The Power of Regret_.

2\. If one of the big four, spend more time deliberating. Project yourself into the future (5 years, 10 years, age 80). From that vantage point ask yourself _which choice_ will help you **build your foundation** , take a **sensible risk** , do the **right thing** , or maintain a **meaningful connection?** Anticipate these regrets. Then, choose the option that most reduces them.

Conversation starters

They say that when organisations are **moving fast**, there's rarely enough time and space for leadership training and support. The [immersive live virtual learning program](https://thegrowthfaculty.com/) with Growth Faculty membership is one option to consider when researching how best to develop aspiring or current leaders.

Growth Faculty also offers a good value [Enterprise plan](https://thegrowthfaculty.com/#plans) for larger companies to develop leadership skills in teams of 20 or more employees.

The Power of Regret: Interview on Daniel Pink's New Book

The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward

Keep informed
Stay Inspired

The Power of Regret: Interview on Daniel Pink's New Book

The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward

Keep informedStay Inspired

Keep informed
Stay Inspired