5 steps towards better Employee Experience

IWD 2025:  WOMEN LEADERS AND SPEAKERS AT GROWTH FACULTY 

What Leaders Love About Patrick Lencioni's Team-Building Sessions

_I tend to struggle with finding a balance between being friendly and understanding with the team, but also having the difficult conversations and being respected for my position. -_ masterclass participant

_Compromising too much and not being firm sometimes \[is my struggle\]. -_ masterclass participant

Nearly 200 people tuned into our masterclass on communication this week, keen to share their challenges as leaders.

Executive coach Claire Harrison told the class that what trips most leaders up is the simple act of **connecting** with others. And that's a big problem, because she says great communication _begins_ with connection.

We tend to focus on our long list of _things to do_ at the expense of our relationships with others, she explained. When communicating with someone, ask yourself, _How am I connecting? Am I leading with other in mind?_ 

If youre a [member of Growth Faculty](https://join.thegrowthfaculty.com/#plans) we encourage you to watch the replay of Claires masterclass \(up on the On Demand library soon\), but here are some **summary points** to take away, including the 12 elements of emotional intelligence, 7 essential communication skills, 3 components of communication, active listening must-dos, habits that hold you back from appearing confident and competent, and the SCARF model of influence.

**12 Elements of Emotional Intelligence**

Communication starts with emotional intelligence.

Claire says the difference between a good manager and outstanding leader is whether they have competence in all 12 emotional intelligence skills.

The 12 elements are:

**Self awareness** : Emotional self-awareness

**Self-management** : Emotional self-control, adaptability, achievement-oriented, positive outlook

**Social awareness** : Empathy and compassion, organisational awareness

**Relationship management** : Influence and impact, coach and mentor, conflict management, teamwork, inspirational leadership

**TASK** : Between meetings, reflect on the meeting that has just finished. Were you positive, empathetic, acting a coach and mentor, inspiring? Before you go into the next meeting, prepare to be present, with your EQ competencies fully loaded, so you arrive in the best frame of mind and with your full attention.

**7 Essential Communication Skills**

Most people will listen just enough to tell the other person what they should do. In other words, we listen to reply. This is not active listening, which is one of 7 essential communication skills.

The 7 skills are:

- A strong foundation of emotional intelligence

- An ability to listen. Be present, pay attention, clarify key points. Claire says active listening makes people _feel seen_.

- Build trust through cohesion and clarity. It creates a sense of psychological safety

- Curiosity. Ask how, what, and when questions

- Ability to pay attention and be present

- The tone of voice and body language you use

- Confidence. Speak in an open, friendly way, seek to be understood

**TASKS** : Instead of hurrying people along to your predetermined solution, ask open-ended questions. To encourage others to find their own solution try a version of _Things being as they are, what are you going to do about it? How can I support you?_

Practise moments of silence. Silence is a powerful communication tool, so get comfortable with it.

**3 Components of Communication**

According to Amy Cuddy in her book _Presence_ , when we meet someone new we quickly evaluate them on two fronts: _Is this person warm and friendly? Is this person competent?_ We make our judgements largely on 3 components of communication:

**Verbal** - the words we choose

If you want to be impactful, Claire recommends keeping communications short and to the point, free of jargon and big words. Your goal in all communication should be to make it as easy as possible for the other person to understand you.

**Non-verbal** - our body language

Claire says the messages we send through our posture, gestures, facial expressions, eye contact and spatial distance account for about 55% of what is perceived and understood by others. Body language matters\!

**Para-verbal** - how we say what we say  tone/pitch/pacing

Para-verbal messaging accounts for 38% of what is communicated to someone, says Claire.

- When we're angry or excited our speech tends to become faster and higher-pitched

- When we're bored or feeling flat our speech tends to slow and become more monotonous

- When we're feeling defensive our speech is often abrupt

**TASKS** : Practise being brief and succinct. When talking take a moment, take a breath, ask if there are any questions. When going into a communication setting, ask yourself not just what you will DO in that setting, but how you will BE.

**Active Listening Must-Dos**

Claire says active listening and reflective questioning are important skills to develop as a leader, particularly when coaching people in their 1:1 and development conversations, or when helping someone work through a problem.

There are two ways to engage active listening:

- **Inquiry** - encouraging people to think through situations themselves and to formulate their own ideas. Leaders often want to fix the situation, but this doesnt give the other person responsibility

- **Advocacy** - sharing your views, experience, insights, and ideas. Too much of this doesnt help. Feedback and advice can be useful, but only after someone has given the issue rigorous thought.

**TASK** : Next time you are in a communication setting, try to focus completely on what the person is saying. Focus on a few key points in the conversation. Ask for clarity for anything you don't understand. Listen to learn.

**Habits that Hold You Back**

Now we get to what we might call communication tics. These are words and sentences we drop into our presentations and conversations without thinking. Claire makes the point theyre not doing us any favours, in fact they're harming our credibility.

Read on to see if any of these words make it into your daily communications:

**Just** Claire says inserting just in sentences \(as in I just put a meeting in the diary.\) keeps us small because its almost a form of apology: Im sorry for asking, Im sorry for taking up space, Im sorry to be an inconvenience, Im sorry to bother you.

**Actually** \(I actually have a question., I actually think\) is another form of justification and second-guessing.

**Kind of** or **Sort of & Like **are not inserted into sentences by people who speak confidently, says Claire. Its a hard but most necessary habit to break, she says, as it not only sends a message that youre not confident in yourself or what youre saying, but its frustrating for the other person, particularly executive leaders.

**Sorry** \(Sorry to bother you, Sorry if this is a silly question.\) is saying Sorry for taking up space.

Using **But** as a disclaimer \(Im not an expert but. Im not sure but..\) sends the message that what youre about to say may be off-topic or incorrect.

**"Does that make sense?** Claire says research has shown that we are seen as less influential and less knowledgeable by asking this question, so it can work against us. Instead, ask if there are any questions.

**Question marks** \(upward inflection\) instead of full stops \(downward inflection\) at end of sentences. We dont want to seem too assertive, so we change statements to questions to avoid coming across too strong.

**Stacking questions.** Ask one question at a time. Be direct. Say what you mean. Seek clarity

**Um** signals to others that you havent thought this through.

**TASK:** Pick one or two habits to work on, tell others youre trying to stop the habit and have them pick you up when you lapse.

**SCARF Model**

Finally, Claire touched on David Rocks SCARF model to expand influence, and how it helps to guide us in communications:

**Status** : This is our perception of our importance in relation to others so praise people publicly or privately \(where appropriate\), give them genuine feedback and opportunities to improve, and take notice of improvements.

**Certainty**  This is a need for clarity and certainty about the future, so set clear expectations, clarify objective, explain the big picture, give people information.

**Autonomy**  This is having control over your environment and choices, so let people make their own decisions about how they work, let them be innovative, and give them a forum to share ideas.

**Relatedness**  This is belonging to a group of people with relationships built on trust, so look for opportunities for real connection, find things in common, and support social opportunities.

**Fairness**  This is perceiving exchanges to be just, unbiased and fair, so share your time and resources equally, set clear expectations, and be as transparent as possible with decisions that affect people.

**TASK** : Reflect on how you show up when you are communicating with others. Communication requires concentration and energy, and it can be exhausting. Take a break after you've done the hard work of active listening, powerful questioning, and creating a connection.

**See Adam Grant in virtual livestream OR in person in 2024**

There's an exciting event to catch in early 2024: Learning _direct_ from one of the world's leading authorities on work culture and work-life. You have two options.

* Option \#1: If you're in Australia dont miss Adam Grants highly-anticipated Australian tour in February 2024[ ADAM GRANT  LIVE: Unlock Hidden Potential & Transform WorkLife](https://www.thegrowthfaculty.com/event.php?eventId=a1J9g000000R00ZEAS). **Early bird tickets end December 15**. 
  * Option \#2: To watch a \(live virtual\) livestream of this event, join 8000 global business leaders who are professionally and personally developing with a Growth Faculty membership. The livestream is included in membership. See full list of membership inclusions at [Growth Faculty annual membership](https://join.thegrowthfaculty.com/#plans) and our [latest program of live virtual and in-person events](https://www.thegrowthfaculty.com/event.php?eventId=a1J4G000008xoC7&promoCode=Blog&utm_source=TGF&utm_medium=blog).

7 essential communication skills

Habits holding you back, and skills to improve in team communication

Keep informed
Stay Inspired

7 essential communication skills

Habits holding you back, and skills to improve in team communication

Keep informedStay Inspired

Keep informed
Stay Inspired